Roast Mortem Cast

Dead men tell no tales. So we do it for them.

About the show

We've all been taught to venerate the dead. Where's the fun in that?! No one can take all their rotten secrets to the grave. Humans are just trash monsters that make mistakes, rub together and make more humans. So, let's grab some beers, bury inhibitions and dig up some dirt on history's most iconic departed.

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Episodes

  • 70 - Al Capone: Creamy, Syphilitic Italian Penne

    March 14th, 2019  |  1 hr 28 mins
    1930s, 20th century, bootlegging, boss, brooklyn, chicago, chitown, comedy, crime, drunk, embezzlement, gang, gangster, golf, gun violence, history, italian, italian american, killer, mafia, mobster, murder, murderer, new york, organised crime, pasta, pizza, podcast, prostitution, robbery, sbarros, scarface, std, syphilis, tommy gun, underworld

    He stole from the rich... and he stole from the poor. Syphilitic gangster Al Capone couldn't keep his dong out of trouble. Whether it was staring down the barrel or slamming a prostitute, his unstoppable scarfaced penne oozed thick, creamy Italian machismo sauce.

  • 69 - Hugh Hefner: Self Proclaimed 'Goo Boy'

    March 7th, 2019  |  1 hr 41 mins
    69, 70s, 80s, abuse, bunnies, call girls, comedy, control, drinking, hard, history, hugh hefner, magazine, playboy, playboy mansion, podcast, sex, sex bunnies, sex slave, sexual, sexual revolution, swingers, wet

    EPISODE 69! Ram that uncooked hot dog down your throat or lop up that oyster in a half shell, cause we're roasting sexual boy Hugh Hefner! The disturbing details we find out about the Playboy Mansion, is guaranteed to get any Bunny dry as sandpaper.

  • 68 - Boss Tweed: NYC's Obese Political Swindler

    February 28th, 2019  |  1 hr 31 mins
    1800s, 19th century, boss tweed, cheat, comedy, congress, corruption, democrats, drinking, fat, firefighting, gangs of new york, history, immigrants, lawyer, manhattan, new york, nyc, obese, phantom menace, podcast, politics, rich, wealth

    The original New York City fat cat. Worked over the political system to swindled over poor immigrants so he could suck down dump trucks of oysters. He was a big boy with a big attitude and was definitely in the Phantom Menace.

  • 67 - Tallulah Bankhead: The Flapper that Flops Out All the Two-Handers

    February 21st, 2019  |  1 hr 52 mins
    acting, actress, addict, bisexual, bourbon, broadway, celebrity, cocaine, codeine, coke, comedy, drinking, drunk, flappers, free love, group sex, history, hollywood, london, movies, new york, orgy, party, personality, podcast, sex, sex addict, singer, stage performer, std, tabloid, thespian, weed, west end, wwi, wwii

    With over 500 affairs and a daily consumption of 2 liters of bourbon, 150 cigarettes, an 8-ball of coke, weed and codeine, Tallulah Bankhead knew how to party. As queen of the 1920's flapper movement, every night was a yakked up orgy with a 2pm curtain call. But when you're constantly messed up. You constantly mess up.

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    66 - L. Ron Hubbard: Sailing, Scientology & Satanic Sex Magic

    February 14th, 2019  |  1 hr 59 mins
    blasphemy, comedy, cult, drinking, fiction, history, hubbard, leader, navy, orgy, podcast, religion, sailing, satan, satanic, satanic ritual, scam, scam artist, scandal, sci-fi, scientology, sex, shipwreck, tax evasion, thief

    Everyone knows that L. Ron Hubbard started the world biggest scam, Scientology. But in his free time he enjoyed blindly crashing ship, a little bit of satanic sex magic and writing really bad science fiction which he used in the mythos of his 'religion'.

  • 65 - Jacob Frank: The Second Unkosher, Orgy Throwin', Jewish-Illuminati Messiah

    February 7th, 2019  |  1 hr 23 mins
    apocalypse, blasphemy, catholic, comedy, conspiracy, converted, crypto religion, drinking, drunk, greece, history, illuminati, incest, islam, israel, jew, jewish, judaism, kabbalah, kosher, leader, messiah, murder, not kosher, orgy, party, podcast, poland, polish, prostitution, rave, religion, scam, scam artist, scandal, secret society, sex, turkey, zion

    If you thought Sabbatai was wild, Jacob Frank doubles down his messianic attempt at an unkosher savior. We're talking orgies, incest, murder... the list goes on. Frank even helped found the father of all secret societies, the Illuminati. We confirmed it!

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    64 - Sabbatai Zevi: Ham Sammich Eatin' Jewish Messiah

    January 31st, 2019  |  1 hr 37 mins
    apocalypse, blasphemy, comedy, conspiracy, converted, crypto religion, drinking, drunk, greece, hebrew, history, islam, israel, jew, jewish, judaism, kosher, leader, messiah, not kosher, orgy, party, podcast, prostitution, rave, religion, scam, scam artist, scandal, sex, talmud, torah, turkey, zion

    This 17th century attention-seeking goth convinced half of the Jewish population that he was the messiah by eating a bacon, egg & cheese. Come join the party and get ready for the rapture!

  • 63 - Pablo Picasso: Hefty Bag Cubist Paella Boy

    January 24th, 2019  |  1 hr 1 min
    art, artist, asshole, bull, comedy, cubist, drinking, drunk, great artist, history, legend, misogynist, paint, painter, picasso, podcast, sex, spain, womanizer

    Let us paint you a picture of a shirtless, hairy Pablo Picasso mashing his sloppy paint brush into whomever came his way. Riding of the bulls, try riding of the doormats.

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    62 - Nikola Tesla: Electricity Boners & Pigeon Banging

    January 17th, 2019  |  1 hr 9 mins
    20th century, aliens, antisocial, awkward, bestiality, comedy, conspiracy, crazy, currents, drinking, edison, electrical, electricity, elon musk, furries, history, infrastructure, inventor, nikola tesla, pigeons, podcast, power, rivalry, science, tesla

    When Nikola Tesla wasn't conducting mad scientist electrical experiment, he enjoyed the tender moments with is one true love... a super sexual pigeon. That's right Elon Musk, Tesla was a furry!

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    61 - William Walker: The American 'President' of Nicaragua

    January 10th, 2019  |  2 hrs 14 mins
    19th century, america, civil war, comedy, death, drinking, failure, filibuster, freebooter, history, jerk, mercenary, merica, mexico, nashville, new orleans, nicaragua, podcast, racist, revolution, san fransisco, slavery, south, southern, tyrant, war, wimp

    William Walker was a scrawny, entitled, doughy-eyed Southern racist that could not stop illegally invading Central America during the 19th century. Seeing that he was terrified of women, this was not your tequila fueled spring break like off of a 90s reality TV show. The only show he got was the dongs of his soldiers, as their pants rotted away on his death marches through the deserts and jungles of Mexico & Nicaragua.

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    60 - Thomas de Marle: Medieval Crusader with the Truck Nutz to prove it.

    January 3rd, 2019  |  1 hr 46 mins
    bros, chivalry, comedy, crusade, fight, first crusade, france, history, knights, medieval, pillaging, podcast, royalty, swords, truck nutz, war, warfare

    When you think of the Crusades, do you think of knights in shining armor? Try goose following idiots with purple Truck Nutz on tied to their horses! We take a look at Thomas de Marle, the 11th century moron that just couldn't stop pillaging. Thought chivalry was dead?!? You don't know the first thing about it.

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    59 - Jack "Sloppy Boy" Kerouac: Goof Troupe pt. 2

    December 27th, 2018  |  1 hr 31 mins
    alcoholic, antisocial, beat, beat generation, comedy, cover up, drinking, drunk, fake, freeform, hipster, history, hobo, hypocrite, kerouac, long island, murder, northport, on the road, podcast, poet, reading, road trip, san fransisco, scroll, teenage

    Beat legend Jack Kerouac joins the ranks of the Goof Troupe. His life and works are hailed as god-like by trust fund hipsters, free spirits that never out grew their teenage angst and men with grownie tails looking for an excuse to divorce their 3rd wive. We're stripping away all the bull and diving into the real Kerouac; his hypocritical conservative views, his mother-loving alcoholism and his accessory to murder.

  • Roast Mortem 2018 Countdown Special

    December 20th, 2018  |  2 hrs 4 mins
    2018, century, christmas, comedy, countdown, death, history, holiday, idiots, new years, new years eve, podcast, special

    It's that time of year! The 2018 Roast Mortem Countdown is upon us. We're counting down the 10 ten dead idiots that died on the 18th year of their centuries. So suck some eggnog, get spicy and deck your balls with some premium roasting!

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    58 - George HW Bush: Presidential Oil & Cheerleading CIA Death Squads

    December 13th, 2018  |  1 hr 47 mins
    1 percent, 1%, 1990s, 2018, 41, america, bush 41, central america, cheerleading, cia, civil rights, comedy, crime, democrat, drugs, elite, george bush, gulf war, history, hw, iraq, nazi, oil, podcast, president, reagan, republican, robber baron, shadow ops, shadow wars, skull and bones, south america, vietnam, war crimes, war on drugs, wealth, yale

    What do CIA funded death squads, Yale cheerleading and oily Kuwaiti handjobs have in common? Why, President George HW Bush, of course! This is our anti-eulogy to the war criminal with the craaaaazy, waaaacky socks you've been hearing about.

  • 57 - Gregor MacGregor: 19th Century Trouble in Paradise

    December 6th, 2018  |  1 hr 40 mins
    british military, comedy, con artist, desert island, drinking, filibuster, fraud, freebooting, getaway, history, imperialism, military, new world, paradise, podcast, reinventing your life, scam, scotland, south america, starvation, survival, transatlantic, venezuela

    Tired of rainy 19th century Scotland? Come to the South American Paradise of Poyias! We DEFINITELY have an Opera house, streets paved with gold... Hell we might even have running water! All you have to do is give all your money to Gregor MacGregor and jump on that boat.

  • 56 - Edward Drinker Cope: History's Most Bone-Headed Paleontologist

    November 29th, 2018  |  1 hr 34 mins
    19th century, america, bone, bone wars, brontosaurus, comedy, dig, dinosaurs, discovery, drinking, excavation, explosives, feud, fossils, frontier, history, jurassic park, mining, moron, natural history, naturalist, nerd, paleontologist, paleontology, podcast, race, research, rivalry, science, scientific discovery, scientist, skeletons, tnt, wild west

    Seen the documentary Jurassic Park? Think you know dinosaurs? Well, Edward Drink Cope sure doesn't... Even though he discovered a whole bunch of 'em. This dangus started a Bone War that shook the field of paleontology for centuries.