Roast Mortem Cast

Dead men tell no tales. So we do it for them.

About the show

We've all been taught to venerate the dead. Where's the fun in that?! No one can take all their rotten secrets to the grave. Humans are just trash monsters that make mistakes, rub together and make more humans. So, let's grab some beers, bury inhibitions and dig up some dirt on history's most iconic departed.

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  • 63 - Pablo Picasso: Hefty Bag Cubist Paella Boy

    January 24th, 2019  |  1 hr 1 min
    art, artist, asshole, bull, comedy, cubist, drinking, drunk, great artist, history, legend, misogynist, paint, painter, picasso, podcast, sex, spain, womanizer

    Let us paint you a picture of a shirtless, hairy Pablo Picasso mashing his sloppy paint brush into whomever came his way. Riding of the bulls, try riding of the doormats.

  • 62 - Nikola Tesla: Electricity Boners & Pigeon Banging

    January 17th, 2019  |  1 hr 9 mins
    20th century, aliens, antisocial, awkward, bestiality, comedy, conspiracy, crazy, currents, drinking, edison, electrical, electricity, elon musk, furries, history, infrastructure, inventor, nikola tesla, pigeons, podcast, power, rivalry, science, tesla

    When Nikola Tesla wasn't conducting mad scientist electrical experiment, he enjoyed the tender moments with is one true love... a super sexual pigeon. That's right Elon Musk, Tesla was a furry!

  • 61 - William Walker: The American 'President' of Nicaragua

    January 10th, 2019  |  2 hrs 14 mins
    19th century, america, civil war, comedy, death, drinking, failure, filibuster, freebooter, history, jerk, mercenary, merica, mexico, nashville, new orleans, nicaragua, podcast, racist, revolution, san fransisco, slavery, south, southern, tyrant, war, wimp

    William Walker was a scrawny, entitled, doughy-eyed Southern racist that could not stop illegally invading Central America during the 19th century. Seeing that he was terrified of women, this was not your tequila fueled spring break like off of a 90s reality TV show. The only show he got was the dongs of his soldiers, as their pants rotted away on his death marches through the deserts and jungles of Mexico & Nicaragua.

  • 60 - Thomas de Marle: Medieval Crusader with the Truck Nutz to prove it.

    January 3rd, 2019  |  1 hr 46 mins
    bros, chivalry, comedy, crusade, fight, first crusade, france, history, knights, medieval, pillaging, podcast, royalty, swords, truck nutz, war, warfare

    When you think of the Crusades, do you think of knights in shining armor? Try goose following idiots with purple Truck Nutz on tied to their horses! We take a look at Thomas de Marle, the 11th century moron that just couldn't stop pillaging. Thought chivalry was dead?!? You don't know the first thing about it.

  • 59 - Jack "Sloppy Boy" Kerouac: Goof Troupe pt. 2

    December 27th, 2018  |  1 hr 31 mins
    alcoholic, antisocial, beat, beat generation, comedy, cover up, drinking, drunk, fake, freeform, hipster, history, hobo, hypocrite, kerouac, long island, murder, northport, on the road, podcast, poet, reading, road trip, san fransisco, scroll, teenage

    Beat legend Jack Kerouac joins the ranks of the Goof Troupe. His life and works are hailed as god-like by trust fund hipsters, free spirits that never out grew their teenage angst and men with grownie tails looking for an excuse to divorce their 3rd wive. We're stripping away all the bull and diving into the real Kerouac; his hypocritical conservative views, his mother-loving alcoholism and his accessory to murder.

  • Roast Mortem 2018 Countdown Special

    December 20th, 2018  |  2 hrs 4 mins
    2018, century, christmas, comedy, countdown, death, history, holiday, idiots, new years, new years eve, podcast, special

    It's that time of year! The 2018 Roast Mortem Countdown is upon us. We're counting down the 10 ten dead idiots that died on the 18th year of their centuries. So suck some eggnog, get spicy and deck your balls with some premium roasting!

  • 58 - George HW Bush: Presidential Oil & Cheerleading CIA Death Squads

    December 13th, 2018  |  1 hr 47 mins
    1 percent, 1%, 1990s, 2018, 41, america, bush 41, central america, cheerleading, cia, civil rights, comedy, crime, democrat, drugs, elite, george bush, gulf war, history, hw, iraq, nazi, oil, podcast, president, reagan, republican, robber baron, shadow ops, shadow wars, skull and bones, south america, vietnam, war crimes, war on drugs, wealth, yale

    What do CIA funded death squads, Yale cheerleading and oily Kuwaiti handjobs have in common? Why, President George HW Bush, of course! This is our anti-eulogy to the war criminal with the craaaaazy, waaaacky socks you've been hearing about.

  • 57 - Gregor MacGregor: 19th Century Trouble in Paradise

    December 6th, 2018  |  1 hr 40 mins
    british military, comedy, con artist, desert island, drinking, filibuster, fraud, freebooting, getaway, history, imperialism, military, new world, paradise, podcast, reinventing your life, scam, scotland, south america, starvation, survival, transatlantic, venezuela

    Tired of rainy 19th century Scotland? Come to the South American Paradise of Poyias! We DEFINITELY have an Opera house, streets paved with gold... Hell we might even have running water! All you have to do is give all your money to Gregor MacGregor and jump on that boat.

  • 56 - Edward Drinker Cope: History's Most Bone-Headed Paleontologist

    November 29th, 2018  |  1 hr 34 mins
    19th century, america, bone, bone wars, brontosaurus, comedy, dig, dinosaurs, discovery, drinking, excavation, explosives, feud, fossils, frontier, history, jurassic park, mining, moron, natural history, naturalist, nerd, paleontologist, paleontology, podcast, race, research, rivalry, science, scientific discovery, scientist, skeletons, tnt, wild west

    Seen the documentary Jurassic Park? Think you know dinosaurs? Well, Edward Drink Cope sure doesn't... Even though he discovered a whole bunch of 'em. This dangus started a Bone War that shook the field of paleontology for centuries.

  • 55 - Commodus: The Most Erect Roman Emperor

    November 22nd, 2018  |  1 hr 39 mins
    blood, blood sport, brutal, colosseum, comedy, demagogue, despot, drinking, emperor, entitled, fall of rome, famine, fight, fire, gladiator, history, imperial, murder, party, podcast, roman, roman emperor, rome, trust fund, tyrant

    Hey Ridley Scott! Think your Gladiator movie was so cool... Well Roast Mortem tells it better. You left out the parts where people drink out of penis cups like they are at a shitty Roman Dick's Last Resort.

  • 54 - Django Reinhardt: Gypsy Jazz Legend and Extra Hardt

    November 15th, 2018  |  1 hr 43 mins
    30s, comedy, django, drinking, france, french, guitar, guitar legend, gypsy, gypsy jazz, history, jazz, jazz guitar, music, music history, podcast, romani, swing, traveling

    We learn what it means to be a gypsy jazz guitar legend... Be extra French, smoke a billion cigarettes, blow off shows to go drunk fishing, and permanently screw up your meat claws in a caravan fire. Worked for Django Reinhardt.

  • 53 - Andrew Jackson: America's First Maniac President

    November 8th, 2018  |  1 hr 47 mins
    19th century, 50 cent, affair, america, anger, brutal, campaign, comedy, currency, democrat, deregulation, dollar, drinking, duel, elections, expansionism, genocide, history, imperialism, jackson, manifest destiny, military, money, native american, old dead dude, oppression, pistol, podcast, politics, president, revolution, ruler, scandal, shot, trail of tears, trump, us history, usa, war, war of 1812, western democracy

    You might know him as the 20 Dollar Bill Boy but in his time he was simply known as President Andrew Jackson. When he wasn't physically stealing other peoples wives, this wacky waving inflatable man was flexing America's Manifest Destiny boner, by systematically destroying native culture and spreading slavery. As his pet parrot would scream during his funeral 'ASSHOLE!'

  • 52 - Master Series: Horror Actors of Hollywood

    October 30th, 2018  |  1 hr 56 mins
    actor, affair, bela lugosi, boris karloff, classic film, comedy, dracula, drama queen, drinking, drunk, film, frankenstein, halloween, history, hollywood, lon chaney jr, monster, monster movies, podcast, scandal, universal monster movies, vampire, werewolf, wolfman

    We take a look behind the scenes at three of the most iconic Hollywood Universal Monsters, Lon Chaney Jr, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. We'll they weren't the monsters.. actually they kind of were. Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolf Man and The Mummy all in one room with one cookie. Who will finish last?!

  • 51 - Matthew Hopkins: Witch Hunter with an Eye for Third Nipples

    October 25th, 2018  |  1 hr 20 mins
    17th century, britain, church, comedy, crazy, crime, devil, devil worship, drinking, england, familiars, fraud, girls gone wild, halloween, history, murder, persecution, podcast, puritan, religion, satan, satanic, spirits, torture, uk, witch, witch hunting, witchcraft, zealot

    Witches Gone Wild! Matthew Hopkins, self-proclaimed Witch-Finder General, is about to turn your small English village into the hottest satanic spring break ever! The girls are up all night (against their will), ready to show off their hard extra nipples, and getting wet from hours of being dunked underwater for a confession of witchcraft!

    Yeah... Hopkins is that kind of zealot monster.

  • 50 - Helen Duncan: The Last Goopy Witch of Britain

    October 18th, 2018  |  1 hr 42 mins
    britain, clairvoyant, classified information, comedy, crime, debunk, drinking, ectoplasm, fraud, ghost, ghost hunters, ghosts, history, mi5, podcast, psychic, scotland, seance, spirit, talking to the dead, uk, war, witch, witchcraft, world war, ww1, ww2, wwi, wwii

    Witchcraft! Clairvoyance! Shoving cheese cloth up your vagina! We're taking an 'in-depth' look at Britain's last witch, Hellish Nell and her stinky, slimy ectoplasmic discharge.

  • 49 - Ty Cobb: Baseball's Dirtiest Player slides into your DMs

    October 11th, 2018  |  1 hr 26 mins
    all star, assault, bad sportsmanship, baseball, bases, brawling, comedy, drinking, fighting, history, legend, murder, playing dirty, podcast, sports, sports legend

    Baseball legend Ty Cobb played a dirty game on and off the diamond. His hobbies included…pistol whipping men to death, picking fights with amputees and digging out viscera from between his cleats. His level of violence really knocked it out of the park.