Roast Mortem Cast

Dead men tell no tales. So we do it for them.

About the show

We've all been taught to venerate the dead. Where's the fun in that?! No one can take all their rotten secrets to the grave. Humans are just trash monsters that make mistakes, rub together and make more humans. So, let's grab some beers, bury inhibitions and dig up some dirt on history's most iconic departed.

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Episodes

  • 125 - Jimmy Superfly Snuka: Coconut-brained, homicidal Hawaiian WWF Superstar

    April 9th, 2020  |  2 hrs 20 mins
    comedy, drinking, hawaii, hawaiian, history, idiot, kayfabe, murder, podcast, true crime, wrestling, wwe, wwf

    In a land before time, when the WWF wasn't about saving animals, but about sweaty men grappling in the ultimate arena... so the 80's. There was a legendary wrestler that could fly higher, was more illiterate and probably murdered his wife... That wrestler was none other than Jimmy Superfly Snuka. Justin Waaland of Heavy Hole joins us to discuss this large stupid man, his drug abuse and his probable homicide.

  • 124 - Leonardo da Vinci: Penis-Obsessed Renaissance Master Artist

    April 2nd, 2020  |  1 hr 43 mins
    15th century, art, art history, comedy, da vinci, drinking, florence, genius, history, inventor, italy, master painter, masterpiece, milan, museum, painter, podcast, renaissance, science, scientist

    Historians, scientist and philosophers have all credited Leonardo da Vinci as one of the greatest minds the world has ever seen. What was this master genius thinking about? DICKS! Leo loved to draw, talk and lick penis. His obsession with ween and various scientific hobbies distracted him so much that many of his commissioned masterpieces went unfinished. He'd just up and leave his patrons high and dry and went back to doodling dongs.

  • 123 - H.P. Lovecraft: Cosmic Introverted Horror Incel

    March 26th, 2020  |  1 hr 53 mins
    authors, comedy, cosmic horror, cthulhu, drinking, history, horror, horror master, lovecraft, lovecraftian, occult, podcast, writers

    Author Jesse Pollack & Dan Jones of Podcast 1289 join us for a roast of H.P. Lovecraft, Cthulhu & Tentacle porn. This weirdo horror writer may have mastered cosmic psychological madness, but when it came bumping uglies, Lovecraft plead insanity. Oh and all of those stories of elder gods breeding with fisherman's wives... yeah that was just an allegory to his deep seeded racist fear of interracial relationships.

  • 122 - Beau Brummell: History's First Talentless Influencer

    March 19th, 2020  |  1 hr 57 mins
    19th century, aristocracy, celebrity, comedy, debt, fame, famous, fashion, history, influencer, london, men's fashion, nightlife, podcast, social media, std, syphilis

    Listen up Instagram Influencers! We are roasting spoiled, talentless rich kid Beau Brummell. He changed the world of fashion by 'creating' the modern men's suit. After racking up his debts and ratcheting up his penis with syphilis in the early 19th Century London nightlife, his fame slowly declined into syphilitic madness.

  • 121 - Harold von Braunhut: Racist Inventor of the Sea Monkeys

    March 12th, 2020  |  1 hr 40 mins
    60s, boomer, comedy, drinking, history, podcast, racist, scam, sea monkey, toy manufacturer, toys

    Tonight we are talkin' SHRIMP! Well, actually Artemia salina... which aren't shrimp. Sea Monkeys!!! These harmless little creatures from another planet were the brainchild of a terrible little man, Harold Von Braunhut. This toy-maker, turned weapons manufacturer, turned Jewish donor to the Aryan Brotherhood is a real POS!

  • 120 - William S Burroughs (The Writer): King of the Goof Troupe

    March 5th, 2020  |  1 hr 53 mins
    1940s, 1950s, abuse, beat poetry, borroughs, comedy, counterculture, drugs, guns, history, homosexuality, literature, naked lunch, podcast, trust fund

    Burroughs leaves the wake of destruction and murder that was his 30s and starts anew as a writer. All this means is that he does more drugs, bangs more boys and dives deeper into the new age, occult mumbo gumbo. In between deep throating, human pucked turkey, Alan Ginsberg, his heroin usages skyrockets as does his literary notoriety.

  • 119 - William S Burroughs (Early Years): King of the Goof Troupe

    February 27th, 2020  |  1 hr 47 mins
    1940s, 1950s, abuse, beat poetry, borroughs, comedy, counterculture, drugs, guns, history, homosexuality, literature, naked lunch, podcast, trust fund

    The next entry into our 'Goof Troupe' Beat Poet series and this time we are taking on it's King, William S. Burroughs. This entitled gun-toting homosexual, loafed his way through life guzzling booze, shooting up heroin and mooching off his parents. He unabashedly went on a world tour of pedophilia amassing a his crew of other deadbeats sickos, like Ginsberg and Kerouac and inadvertently became the King of counter-culture

  • 118 - Fritz Lang: Maniacal Monocled German Film Director

    February 20th, 2020  |  2 hrs 15 mins
    bdsm, comedy, director, film, film history, germany, history, hollywood, podcast, silent films

    This German Expressionist Filmmaker was said to only be able to orgasm if he tasted blood. Directing over 40 films in Berlin, Paris and Hollywood he beat down and beat off on countless cast and crew. The result was some of history's most iconic, groundbreaking films, such as Metropolis, M and Big Heat

  • 117 - Father Amorth: Make Exorcisms Great Again

    February 13th, 2020  |  1 hr 44 mins
    catholic, comedy, demons, exorcism, film, hell, history, paranormal, podcast, satanic

    Like the 1973 film The Exorcist? So did this geriatric, Italian priest. So much so that he used it as an inspiration to make exorcisms cool again during the 1980s & 1990s. Was Father Amorth really battling demons from the fiery depths of Hell or just yelling at mentally handicapped children? Have a listen and decide for yourself.

  • 116 - Henry Beecher: Founder of the 'Megachurch Backroom Special'

    February 6th, 2020  |  2 hrs 2 mins
    19th century, affair, church, comedy, con artist, history, megachurch, orator, podcast, preacher, religion, scandal, sex, slavery, suffrage, temperance

    What happens when you mix religious fame, a skilled smooth talker and a bunch of sheltered, horny 19th century chicks. One of the biggest sex scandals in American history! Henry Beecher, brother of the famous Harriet Beecher Stowe (Uncle Tom's Cabin), became the first American Preacher to become a media sensation. His lessons in chastity, temperance, women's suffrage and abolition, became overshadowed by his 40 years of seducing and scamming women and children in the backrooms of his churches.

  • 115 - Stevie Ray Vaughan: Texan Meth-head with Saucy Licks

    January 30th, 2020  |  1 hr 28 mins

    Stevie Ray Vaughan knew how to play the Blues! Unfortunately he didn't know how to pay bills, hold a stable relationship or manage his uppers. Although extremely talented this mooch of a man, bumbled his way through life sapping the skin oils off his bandmates, fans and strangers. Confused? So are we!

  • 114 - Leopold II of Belgium: Crimes Against The Congo & Condangs

    January 23rd, 2020  |  2 hrs 3 mins
    belgian, belgium, comedy, crimes against humanity, genocide, history, monarch, podcast, rubber, waffles

    Which tyrant of history caused the first ever Roast Mortem mid-roll, “bad vibes” break? Leopold II of Belgium!

    He brutally and systematically culled the population of the Congo in the early 20th century. But don't worry, this episode isnt all doom and gloom, this smooth brained monarch didn't know which hole to shove his Belgian waffle PP into.

  • 113 - Jakob Fugger: History's Richest Idiot

    January 16th, 2020  |  1 hr 55 mins
    16th century, accounting, amazon, bezos, business, comedy, commerce, germany, global trade, history, loans, podcast, royalty, scam, trade, warfare, wealth

    Want to get rich quick? Like 4 times richer than Jeff Bezos? Listen to how this 16th century german scheiße pretzel became history's richest man by scamming the the inbred Hapsburgs, a few popes and millions of german peasants. Oh and he started a beef with the hemorrhoid-scratcher Martin Luther.

  • 112 - Rob Ford: Toronto's Rotund Crackhead Mayor

    January 9th, 2020  |  1 hr 39 mins
    canada, comedy, crack, crackhead, drugs, drunk, history, mayor, ontario, party, podcast, politics, rob ford, toronto

    Rob Ford and his family, or the Canadian Kennedys, partied their way to the top. This train wreck of a lineage blew, guzzled, injected and smoked their way into the national spotlight all while dominating Ontario politics. Rob's partying and the rise of camera phones gave the world a wonderful glimpse into his crack-fueled late nights with the Canadian chapter of the Bloods.

  • 111 - George Psalmanazar: Phony Asian with a Fantastic Imagination

    January 2nd, 2020  |  1 hr 56 mins
    asian, charlatan, comedy, con artist, formosa, history, linguistics, podcast

    This French charlatan went around Europe claiming he was an asian man from the mystical land of Formosa. He went to such lengths to protect lie that he created an entire language, history, culture, even maps of his made-up land.

  • 110 - Theodosius I: The Roman Emperor that Started the Dark Ages

    December 26th, 2019  |  1 hr 48 mins
    catholic, comedy, constantinople, dark ages, emperor, fall of rome, goths, history, orgies, podcast, religion, religious war, roman empire, rome

    Roman was one big party; orgies, wine, festivals and bad ass gods. Theodosius was having none of it! This roman emperor made Catholicism the state religion and plunged Europe into the Dark Ages. Party Poo Poo doodie head.