Roast Mortem Cast

Dead men tell no tales. So we do it for them.

About the show

We've all been taught to venerate the dead. Where's the fun in that?! No one can take all their rotten secrets to the grave. Humans are just trash monsters that make mistakes, rub together and make more humans. So, let's grab some beers, bury inhibitions and dig up some dirt on history's most iconic departed.

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  • 159 - Ned Kelly: Australia's Dirty Robin Hood

    December 3rd, 2020  |  1 hr 58 mins
    assault, australia, australian history, bootlegging, carbine, comedy, corruption, crime, down under, drinking, drunkard, felon, guns, history, jail, murder, outback steakhouse, podcast, rifle, robin hood, weapons

    Garbage Andy throws some shrimp on the barbie and joins us in the Outback: The land of criminals, Mad Max, Steve Irwins and the majestic Bin Chicken. The character and spirit of this upside-down country is most embodied in the spirit of Ned Kelly. Ned lived fast and died young as a very distinctively Australian Robin Hood. Most of his mishaps involved accidental homoerotic scraps, nonchalant armed robbery and even a guns blazing shoot-out complete with iron body armor.

  • 158 - Cary Grant: The Ultimate Man and his Ultimate Chin

    November 26th, 2020  |  2 hrs 10 mins
    acting, comedy, drinking, english, english acting, film, film history, gossip, history, hollywood, man, manly man, movies, podcast, poor parenting, rags to riches, scandal, star, vaudeville

    From a dirty little street kid to the world's most handsome man, Cary Grant was Hollywood's ultimate handsome boy. Gotta be honest here, Tom gets pretty fanboy over this hunk of man meat on stilts... Not sure who gets roasted more, Tom or Cary?!

  • 157 - George Washington (1781-1799): The President, The Master... The King

    November 19th, 2020  |  2 hrs 16 mins
    abolition, america history, american government, american revolution, comedy, constitution, drinking, election, feudalism, founding father, genocide, government, hamilton, history, influence, podcast, power, president, rebellion, slavery, thomas jefferson

    Part 3 of RMC's coverage of George Washington.
    America is free of British Tyranny. But wait!!!! Here comes King Washington! Washington believed in American nobility, feudalism , despotic taxes and behind his outward stoicism was a megalomania hell bent on the perception of his legacy. While touting to be bipartisan, GW became the puppet of federalist Alexander Hamilton, who's policies nearly smothered the USA in the cradle. Washington was the only president to march his army on his own people and gave lip service to abolitionist while viciously hunting down his escaped slaves.

  • 156 - George Washington (1759-1781): Shootin' Blanks

    November 12th, 2020  |  1 hr 59 mins
    america history, american revolution, battle, comedy, drinking, founding father, george washington, history, military history, podcast, president, rebellion, warfare

    In part 2, we dive dick first into the American Revolution. Our boy GW lost more battles than he won!! After begrudgingly taking command of the Continental Army, Washington repeatedly gets his ass mashed by the British all while dreaming about returning to his slave-run Mt. Vernon. We also finally get to the bottom of GW's no-so-pearly whites. Spoilers! They were not wood! The truth is something straight out of a Saw movie!

  • 155 - George Washington (1732-1759): Failing Upwards

    November 5th, 2020  |  1 hr 47 mins
    18th century, adventurer, america, america history, britain, colonial america, comedy, drinking, founding father, french and indian war, frontier, george washington, history, iroquois, land, military, military history, ohio, podcast, privilege, red coats, seven years war, slavery, virginia, war, warfare

    Part 1 of America's Thicc thighed founding father, George Washington. From the second GW was born, he pretty much failed at everything. In this episode, we cover Lil' George clawing his way up the Virginia social ladder, his 'fortunate' entry into military life, and how he started a world war thanks to his under stupidity.

  • 154 - Marquis de Sade: The Unhinged Granddaddy of BDSM

    October 29th, 2020  |  2 hrs 22 mins
    18th century, banned books, bdsm, bondage, books, comedy, drinking, france, free love, french revolution, history, insanity, kink, murder, nihilism, novel, orgy, paris, philosophy, podcast, sadism, sex, true crime, whips, writer

    This French 'philosopher' was so into his whips and chains he inspired the word Sadism . But while modern BDSM is a consensual activity, this noble narcosis to it far beyond anyone's comfort zone. Written in while locked away in the Bastille, '120 Days of Sodom' would be come history's most blacklisted book. It's pages full of the grotesque machinations of incest, scatology, torture, rape and murder straight from the unhinged mind of Marquis de Sade.

  • 153 - Jack Parsons: Satanic Sexy Rocketnerd

    October 22nd, 2020  |  1 hr 55 mins
    alcester crowley, america history, comedy, drinking, explosives, flight, flying, history, idiot, inventor, magic, magik, nasa, nerd, orgy, podcast, research, rockets, satanic, scandal, sex, space, space travel, tech, weapons

    When he wasn't nearly blowing off his hand with explosives he was blowing loads in satanic rituals with Alcester Crowley. This genius of jet propulsion and forefather of NASA was blacklisted for his dubious practice of sex black magik.

  • 152 - Cattle Kate: Wyoming Cattle Wrangler

    October 15th, 2020  |  1 hr 12 mins
    cattle, dispute, frontier, land, law, lawless, wyoming

    Ella Watson aka Cattle Kate was a rough and tumble Wyoming cattle wrangler that braved the frontier and grappled with corrupt lawmen over land and cattle disputes.

  • 151 - Percy Grainger: Unhinged Willy Wonka of Music

    October 8th, 2020  |  1 hr 43 mins
    electronic music, jogging, mother, music, musician, racist, s&m

    Percy Grainger was the Willy Wonka of music. He tinkered, experimented, and invented throughout his musical career that spanned his life. Skeletons in his closet include, self-flagellation, racism, and army oboe tooter. And the root cause of all this is his helicopter mother!

  • 150 - King Henry VIII: The Quest for the Cream Queen

    October 1st, 2020  |  2 hrs 42 mins
    16th century, affair, beheading, change, comedy, drinking, english history, execution, history, insanity, king, manhunt, monarchy, murder, podcast, queen, renaissance, royal, scandal

    Once a dashing example of chivalric manhood, years of head trauma from jousting led Henry to devolve into a mad king with a soft boner and a pension for beheading, burning on the stake and hanging anyone that opposed him. That included two unlucky Queens that just couldn't stomach the King's cummies.

  • 149 - Benedict Arnold: Loyalist Unamerican Traitor

    September 24th, 2020  |  1 hr 40 mins
    america, colonial, great britain, loyalist, revolutionary, sellout, traitor, war

    Matt from the NFHC podcast joins us as we take shots at Benedict Arnold. Benny sold out American forces during the Revolutionary War. With a hard on for protocol and rules, Benny was traitorous rat that screwed over baby America.

  • 148 - William Chester Minor: Verbose Self-Mutilating Maniac

    September 17th, 2020  |  2 hrs 31 mins

    William Chester Minor was classically deranged monomaniac who was handy with words, handguns, and surgical instruments. He also majorly contributed to The Oxford English Dictionary, standardizing the proverbial urchin-molasses-fire that is the English language.

  • 147 - Soapy Smith: The Mr. Clean of Wild West Con Men.

    September 10th, 2020  |  1 hr 52 mins
    abuse, alaska, arts and crafts, cards, colorado, comedy, con man, drinking, fraud, gambling, history, music, podcast, poker, scam artist, soapmaking, texas, thief, western, wild west

    Soapy Smith was the Wild West's freshest con-artist. With a soap kinder egg in one hand, some rigged walnuts in the other and a deck of cards rolled into his foreskin he swindled his way from Texas to Colorado to the Klondike.

  • 146 - Davy Crockett: American Frontiersman & Raccoon Casanova

    September 3rd, 2020  |  1 hr 53 mins

    REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!! This grizzled frontiersman embodied the American spirit of Freedom... Which is freedom for a select few... primarily white anglo-protestants... definitely not woman, native Americans or blacks... So I guess he wasn't into freedom at all... BUT he definitely had raccoon orgies in the woods. REMEMBER!!!

  • 145 - The Coors Family: A Legacy of Beer and Bullshit

    August 27th, 2020  |  2 hrs 23 mins
    1960s, american history, beer, boycott, brewery, brewing, comedy, conservative, drinking, german, history, marketing, paranoia, podcast, strike, think tank, union, workers rights

    Taste the Rockies and sit on the silver bullet, cause we are roasting the German-American Coors Dynasty. From its humble beginning in Golden, CO, Coors ballooned into one of the biggest breweries in the USA. Despite the fact that the long line of Coors were raging paranoid morons, that used wiretaps to spy on their employees, formed the biggest conservative think-tank in D.C and demoralized everyone below them.

  • 144 - Arthur Orton: The Tale of Two Penises

    August 20th, 2020  |  2 hrs 20 mins
    australia, comedy, con man, drinking, english history, english nobility, history, manhunt, podcast, wealth

    400 lb Arthur Orton was a man that lived triple lives... pun intended.
    Was he cockney seaman Arthur Orton? Or maybe Austrailian, stinky butcher Thomas Castro? Or conveniently lost at sea English Aristocrat Barronett Rodger Tichborne?
    The secret to his true identity lay untouched, hidden away for decades between his THICC thighs.