Roast Mortem Cast

Dead men tell no tales. So we do it for them.

About the show

We've all been taught to venerate the dead. Where's the fun in that?! No one can take all their rotten secrets to the grave. Humans are just trash monsters that make mistakes, rub together and make more humans. So, let's grab some beers, bury inhibitions and dig up some dirt on history's most iconic departed.

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Episodes

  • 170 - Samurai William: The First Weeaboo P2

    February 25th, 2021  |  1 hr 33 mins
    culture, culture shock, english, japanese, sailor, samurai

    It's the conclusion of Samurai William! The metamorphosis is complete, our subject goes for Englishman to samurai- Complete with penchant for geishas, far eastern style of crucifixion, and East India Co. skullduggery!

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    169 - Samurai William: The First Weeaboo P1

    February 18th, 2021  |  1 hr 30 mins
    culture, culture shock, english, japanese, sailor, samurai

    It's a cataclysmic crossing of cultures! English and Portuguese sailors landing in Japan for the very first time. The first time westerners, our subject William included, witnessed Japanese traditions and customs. This eventually precipitated in the advent of hentai and eating sushi off of naked people.

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    168 - Bonnie and Clyde: Partners in Crime

    February 11th, 2021  |  2 hrs 13 mins
    bounty, carjacking, cop, crime, duo, gangster, killers, muscle car, partners, robbers, wanted

    The iconic duo, Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker. They were muscle car-driving machine gun-toting American gangsters. Not too bright as the two adopted a "shoot now, question later" approach. Though small time crooks, the media would have a field day with the criminal couple.

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    167 - Joan Crawford: Abusive Hollywood Diva

    February 4th, 2021  |  2 hrs 4 mins
    abuse, acting, actress, coat hanger, hollywood, manipulative, pepsi

    Gabby joins in and assists in the roast of Joan Crawford. She was a Pepsi-loving, coat hanger-hating, wide-shoulder'd Hollywood Icon. Promiscuous and manipulative- she made shock waves on the silver screen. But she would unwind after a long day by pummeling her children.

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    166 - Master Series: WWII Soldiers

    January 28th, 2021  |  2 hrs 20 mins
    american, battles, comedy, drinking, german, history, korean, military history, podcast, polish, russians, soldiers, war criminal, warfare, world war 2, wwii

    Cullen from Cauldron Podcast joins us for a Master Series, as we look at the "The Good, The Bad and the Limp Dick War Criminal" of WWII. Featuring an American Nazi-killing, wife beating machine, a confused Asian, and German 'not-so-super soldier' deplorable SS officer.

  • 165 - Alcibiades: Athenian Dick Stealing & Spartan Labe Smashing

    January 21st, 2021  |  1 hr 46 mins
    ancient history, athens, bisexuality, classical, comedy, democracy, drinking, greek, history, podcast, politics, sparta, warfare

    You know that guy Socrates? Well bits of Alcibiades poop was definitely in his urethra. This androgynist Athenian demagogue boned his way through the ancient Greek world. From hometown Athens, his bisexual love rod sext all the way to Persia and back leaving political destruction and death in it's shadow.

  • 164 - Thomas Midgley Jr.: The most destructive human in the history of the Universe

    January 14th, 2021  |  1 hr 45 mins
    america history, automotive, cars, chemist, chemistry, climate change, comedy, drinking, environmental, gas, global warming, history, idiot, inventor, nerd, podcast, research, tech

    When you think of the world's most dangerous person, who do you think of? Genghis Khan? Stalin? Hitler?!
    Try a gas-huffing, pseudo-chemist that gave an entire generation lead poisoning and singlehandedly melted a hole in the atmosphere. Midgley created a ecological Frankenstein's monster, but did his smooth-brained science cause his undoing?

  • 163 - Dr. Spock: Boomer Childcare 101

    January 7th, 2021  |  2 hrs 7 mins
    america history, anti-establishment, baby boomer, boomer, child care, children, comedy, drinking, elites, freud, hippies, history, love, medicine, olympics, podcast, psychology, self indulgent, vietnam

    Not Mr. Spock. Dr. Spock! This baby doctor looked to the sexual teachings of Sigmund Freud and came out with a revolutionary way to raise children in post-war America. The results... Lead paint-eating, self-indulgent, sociopaths we now call the Baby Boomers.

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    162 - King Farouk I: Pudgy Klepto King of Egypt

    December 31st, 2020  |  2 hrs 22 mins
    egypt, farouk. oyster, fat, king, rich, royalty, spoiled

    Farouk was the last King of Egypt. He ascended to the thrown uneducated and unprepared. Farouk spent his time partying, shopping, and stealing. Farouk's lifestyle would ruin his kingly reign and royal waistline.

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    161 - Agnes Blannbekin & Jesus' Foreskin

    December 24th, 2020  |  1 hr 54 mins
    christianity, comedy, dark ages, drinking, history, insanity, jesus, middle ages, podcast, religion, religious history, satan, sex, sexuality

    Would you suck Jesus' dick? Agnes Blannbekin would! This 13th century anchoress believed she was licking JC's foreskin when she took the eucharist. We explore the absurd journey through the millennia of Christ's penis hood and look into the mind of a cock hungry religious fanatic.

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    2020 Roast Mortem Countdown

    December 17th, 2020  |  3 hrs 20 mins
    2020, ancient history, art, art history, chinese, comedy, countdown, drinking, history, inventors, new years eve, nobility, paranormal, pirates, podcast, poop jokes, royalty, world history

    It's that time of year again! The 2020 RMC Countdown! Matt from NFHC podcast joins us as we plow through the ages, marathon roasting idiots who died on the 20th year of their century! Exhaustion and inebriation be damned!

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    160 - Mary Baker Eddy: Christian Science Charlatan

    December 10th, 2020  |  1 hr 38 mins
    america history, christian, christian science, comedy, cult, drinking, feminism, fraud, ghosts, history, magic, metaphysical, podcast, powerful women, prayer, religion, spirits, spiritualism, temperance

    Regarded as a feminist icon, morphine addict Mary Baker Eddy created a religion based on the power of suggestion. He followers protected her from spiritual assassins and MIND BULLETS! Maybe the next time you have a compound facture, just pray it away!

  • 159 - Ned Kelly: Australia's Dirty Robin Hood

    December 3rd, 2020  |  1 hr 58 mins
    assault, australia, australian history, bootlegging, carbine, comedy, corruption, crime, down under, drinking, drunkard, felon, guns, history, jail, murder, outback steakhouse, podcast, rifle, robin hood, weapons

    Garbage Andy throws some shrimp on the barbie and joins us in the Outback: The land of criminals, Mad Max, Steve Irwins and the majestic Bin Chicken. The character and spirit of this upside-down country is most embodied in the spirit of Ned Kelly. Ned lived fast and died young as a very distinctively Australian Robin Hood. Most of his mishaps involved accidental homoerotic scraps, nonchalant armed robbery and even a guns blazing shoot-out complete with iron body armor.

  • 158 - Cary Grant: The Ultimate Man and his Ultimate Chin

    November 26th, 2020  |  2 hrs 10 mins
    acting, comedy, drinking, english, english acting, film, film history, gossip, history, hollywood, man, manly man, movies, podcast, poor parenting, rags to riches, scandal, star, vaudeville

    From a dirty little street kid to the world's most handsome man, Cary Grant was Hollywood's ultimate handsome boy. Gotta be honest here, Tom gets pretty fanboy over this hunk of man meat on stilts... Not sure who gets roasted more, Tom or Cary?!

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    157 - George Washington (1781-1799): The President, The Master... The King

    November 19th, 2020  |  2 hrs 16 mins
    abolition, america history, american government, american revolution, comedy, constitution, drinking, election, feudalism, founding father, genocide, government, hamilton, history, influence, podcast, power, president, rebellion, slavery, thomas jefferson

    Part 3 of RMC's coverage of George Washington.
    America is free of British Tyranny. But wait!!!! Here comes King Washington! Washington believed in American nobility, feudalism , despotic taxes and behind his outward stoicism was a megalomania hell bent on the perception of his legacy. While touting to be bipartisan, GW became the puppet of federalist Alexander Hamilton, who's policies nearly smothered the USA in the cradle. Washington was the only president to march his army on his own people and gave lip service to abolitionist while viciously hunting down his escaped slaves.

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    156 - George Washington (1759-1781): Shootin' Blanks

    November 12th, 2020  |  1 hr 59 mins
    america history, american revolution, battle, comedy, drinking, founding father, george washington, history, military history, podcast, president, rebellion, warfare

    In part 2, we dive dick first into the American Revolution. Our boy GW lost more battles than he won!! After begrudgingly taking command of the Continental Army, Washington repeatedly gets his ass mashed by the British all while dreaming about returning to his slave-run Mt. Vernon. We also finally get to the bottom of GW's no-so-pearly whites. Spoilers! They were not wood! The truth is something straight out of a Saw movie!